Mamahood

My sweet angel just fell asleep in my arms while I was reading stories about different mamas who have faced different challenges than I have. So, I transferred her to her snugabunny for a nap. The first story was about a mama who had a baby with down syndrome. I then clicked on a friend's page to discover that it's the 4 year anniversary of her sweet angel passing away (from Spinal Muscular Atrophy). So, I started thinking about a few of the issues I've faced as a mama. It's been an amazing 3 1/2 months. I thought that I knew so much about love before I was pregnant and while I was pregnant. But, no one could possibly illustrate or articulate the kind of love you have for your baby. But, we're not perfect. We're human and we do our best as mamas. But, we often fall short. We're all such different women with different aspirations for ourselves and for our babies. We already make ourselves feel guilty enough. Why should we make others feel guilty? I feel guilty when it takes me a minute or two longer to peel myself out from under the covers when she wakes up in the morning. I feel guilty when I get lost in my own thoughts and go into autopilot and forget to sing to her and talk to her. There are so many things that I hope that I'll accomplish as a mama. But, there are already so many things I've deemed unrealistic. I cannot even fathom using cloth diapers. (I worry more about my own sanity than the environment.) It's easy to assume that what is best for you will be best for others. I treasured the advice and the help that I got from other mama-friends when Ava was first born. I had support and encouragement and positive advice. But, there are always critics. I've struggled with criticism and let it get to me and used my accomplishments as a mama as a stick to shake at those confidence-killers and back-handed compliments. I shook my head at a neighbor who told me she wasn't interested in breastfeeding because she had previously shaken her head at my husband because I had taken my three-week-old to the grocery store with me. I don't want to be that kind of person. I don't want people to be able to make me feel like I'm doing wrong by doing what's right for me and I definitely don't want to make anyone else feel like that. So, this is me trying to share my own personal experiences in a non-judgmental way. I want others to know what kinds of options they have and to learn from some of my experiences. I was inspired by so many mamas out there. I hope that I can help to inspire someone, too.

Breastfeeding:

Feeding your baby will be a lot of work regardless of whether or not you breastfeed. Sometimes you're so exhausted that simply holding up a bottle is a daunting task. But, you have to do it. You have to push through and feed that baby. When my baby was first born, I had a really really tough time with breastfeeding. She wouldn't nurse from one side (for the first 2 months) no matter how many times I tried. So, I nursed and I pumped. Pumping saved my sanity through the engorgement period and through those first few weeks. If it weren't for pumping, I probably wouldn't have made it as a nursing mom. People made me feel like pumping and giving bottles wasn't up to par. But, it was. It was fine. Today, I nurse Ava 95% of the time that I'm home. Pumping at first worked really well for me because she's totally fine taking a bottle when I'm at work and she also loves to nurse. Nursing your baby can be the most amazing thing to experience as a mama. Sometimes nursing my baby is the only way to soothe her. I gradually grew more confident and more capable of my breastfeeding abilities. Now, I'm working on breastfeeding in public places. I'm far too shy to do it without a cover. But, those ladies who discreetly feed their babes in public definitely get kudos from me!

Baby-wearing

I LOVE it! I give my baby time to play and be independent. But, I wear her around a little bit almost every day and she loves it. Sometimes she goes straight to sleep. But, even when she doesn't sleep, she stays calm and cuddles up to my chest. It makes me feel so good to be able to keep her close to me. It also helps me have hands free to get things done. I think every mom should try on different wraps and carriers and give it a shot. It might not be your thing. But, you may love it. Don't be daunted by the complicated-looking wraps. They're actually easy.

Natural Childbirth

I attempted a natural birth. 30 hours later, I opted for an epidural. Yes, 30 hours later. Labor is VERY painful. Yes, relaxation techniques and breathing techniques help. Birthing tubs help a lot, too. A doula is a very good idea as well. But, natural birth is certainly not for everyone. My best advice to anyone who is pregnant is to watch videos and to read birth stories. Decide what kinds of birth stories inspire you the most and try to shape your birth plan around the same types of concepts. Then, prepare prepare prepare. I don't know where I would have been without the work I did preparing myself for birth. The most important outcome is a healthy baby. But, the birthing process is also very much about you becoming a mama. Don't underestimate the pain or the joys of giving birth. It's really a life-changing experience.